Dealing with Allergies

I’m not allergic to anything. Brett has had seasonal allergies off and on, but nothing serious. So we are relatively new to the allergy family.

Declan was diagnosed around a year as having a moderate allergy to eggs. We had a strong suspicious when he was ten months old and had scrambled eggs for the first time. What started out as “looking a little red” turned into full blown hives on his face, head and neck. We have a good prognosis that he could grow out of it by the time he starts school. Fingers crossed. When he was tested, he was tested for both eggs and peanuts. Eggs were a relief. Eggs are easy to cut out with only a little creativity and a lot of reading labels. We’ve only had one “accident”; a few weeks ago I gave him less than a teaspoon of Ranch dressing. Who knew Ranch dressing had eggs in it? He had a worse reaction than the first time, but still nothing a little Benedryl couldn’t handle.

Our latest dealings with allergies happened to be with Owen. After being on Amoxicillin for almost a week, he started with hives on his little behind one night. It cleared up with Benedryl. The next morning his stomach and chest were covered with hives and within a few hours they were spreading over his whole body. Two days and a few doctor’s visits later, we found ourselves in the ER with a diagnosis of Erythema Multiforme with a trigger of Amoxicillin. He had to undergo blood tests, urine tests, and needed lots of fluid due to dehydration. His hives spread and turned into a red rash with welts, and hives, and circles and all sorts of very scary looking marks. A scary site to see on your baby. He was so itchy and looked like he could crawl out of his skin; he was so uncomfortable. Talk about a mama just wanting to make it OK.

We are lucky. I have friends who have dealt with anaphylaxis and have to avoid places entirely due to allergies. Ours are relatively simple, but still just as scary. You never know when there could be cross contamination or that a reaction will be much worse than the last time.  That’s the scary thing about allergies…you just never know.

Making the best of what isn't

I recently came across this quote:

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

When I say that my family and I are blessed, I believe it with all my heart. But that doesn't mean that things are perfect, far from it actually. For a while now, there have have been "things" that Brett and I have wanted, changes we have wanted to make, and things we wanted to do differently. Some of those "things" have come to fruition and some of them haven't. It's frustrating. Sometimes it just seems as though life isn't what you want it to be and it's easy to get caught up in what isn't and forget about what is. Be it family, friends, jobs, time, money, whatever, I firmly believe that God has a plan in mind, but I have to be honest, there are times I disagree with his plan or don't understand it.

One of the biggest "things" that I have wanted is to be able to be at home with our boys. After Declan was born, I was supposed to go back to work in January, but knew very quickly that I didn't think I could do it. Well, I knew I could do it, I just knew I didn't want to. Brett quickly figured a way for us to make it work and because of him working so hard each and every day I got to stay home and watch our boys grow into brothers for 10 whole months. That is pretty amazing! Unfortunately, that time has come to an end and I will be going back to work soon. This is part of the plan that I disagree with and don't understand, in case You are reading. I never thought I would want to be a stay at home mom and I could have never imagined loving it as much as I do.

Going back to work is not the only thing that doesn't seem to be working out like we intended. We have been living in what seems like a temporary state for a while waiting for a change. It has frustrated us and got us down. There have been days that I don't think we enjoyed to the fullest because we wished things were different. I regret that.That quote I mentioned at the beginning spoke to me. It was like a slap in the face that whether things are up or down, this is the life we are given and it is up to us to revel in its beauty each and every day even if that means making the best of a situation that we wish was different. I know this post has been vague because many of the "things" that Brett ave been hoping and praying for personal, but the message is universal. It's time to stop wishing for what isn't and enjoying what is. Because "what is" is really pretty special!

One Year

One whole year has passed since I last posted. It really is a complete coincidence that I sat down today to write and noted that it has been exactly one year. While it seems like little time has passed since I filled this page on thoughts abbout being a mom, so many things in our lives have happened.

We welcomed the birth of our second little boy on October 9. He has filled our hearts to the point that I just don't know if there is room for any more love. And every time I think that, I look at our two little men and I smile and my heart gets fuller.

Declan Anthony

On February 2, we said good bye to our "very special in his own way" dog, Tucker. He had a bad accident and it was the best for everyone that Tucker go to a place that he could finally rest and get some peace.  What a heartbreak we felt saying good bye to our buddy!

While those have been the biggest ups and downs of the past year, so many memories have been made. As a family we have grown and learned more about each other. We have learned to love in different ways, we have learned to look to the future when things in the present get us down. Mostly though we have learned that we have each tother. It sounds so cliche, but I am caught in these moments that seem surreal. I have an almost out of body experinec and it's as if I am an outsider looking in. Watching my husband be a daddy and watching these two little boys play and thinking they simply can't be mine. I couldn't be that lucky. But I am. I am blessed beyond admission and that really is all I can ask for.

A very tired family after a very fun day!

We are in the midst once again of some changes in our house. Blogging has been a wondeful outlet and record holder for me and I hope that perhaps over the next few weeks and months, I can manage to put away some quiet time to reflect on these blessings we have been given because they are so great!

How being a mom defines you

First, I've been away from my baby for almost a week now. He comes home tomorrow and I miss him like crazy but I am so happy for him that he had this time with his Gammy and Pap. Second, I am all full of pregnant crazy. I've had a lot of time this past week to think, plan, organize, and worry. Let me tell you when you are pregnant and all that's going on, look out! I am surprised that Brett has come home from work at all. 

With that being said, I can't get over how much I have realized this week that being a mom truly defines who you are. You can't ever go back. I know people say that you have to make time for yourself. Don't lose who you are as a person. Don't give up things you loved before you had kids. Well folks, I agree, but I am 100% now convinced that this just isn't possible. I'm not saying that I no longer have things that I enjoy just for me. I love a long talk with my girlfriends. Browsing the aisles of Target makes me giddy. Coffee is still my guilty pleasure. I revel in a few minutes of peace and quiet. But it's different now. I'm a mom. Wow! You can say over and over again that kids change your life, for the better, but your life is changed forever. I don't think I realized the magnitude of that until Owen went on vacation for a while. It took me 2 full days to get over the fact that he really wasn't here. What has my priority been while he's been gone? Doing things that I can't or find difficult to do when he's here. Cleaning, organizing, cooking, etc. The truth is though, everything I do in some way big or small has to do with him. Whether it be that I have switched to natural cleaning products, decluttering the house is really just about making room for more toys, getting organized with dinners simply means more time with him and less time planning, shopping, and cooking. The list goes on. These things seem so simple but when put together they make up this whole new life that I have with a son and another son on the way. Gone are the days spent lounging around putting things off until later because there will always be a later. I can accomplish 20 times the amount of errands and chores that I used to. Efficiency and time management becomes the new game.

I am still a lot of other things - wife, daughter, sister, friend, teacher, neighbor - but each of those roles is now influenced in way that it wasn't before. 

I'm a mom. That's a powerful statement. 

Over a year, ready to wean?

So while I'm feeling so honest about motherhood this week, I should share that I've been struggling giving something up. Something very special and something that has taken up quite a bit of my life over the past...14 months. Breastfeeding. Yep! I'm still doing it. This is one of those topics that's tough to talk about because most people are very opinionated about it, especially the weaning part. I have lots of friends who have stopped at various points in their babies development for many reasons. Some stopped early on because they just didn't produce enough milk. Some set a goal and once that goal was reached, they quit cold turkey. Others keep going and end up not really knowing how to stop and it becomes more difficult because their baby starts to depend on it for comfort. We are in a weird gray area.

After Owen's first birthday, he gave up the bottle with no problem and switched to whole milk and a sippy cup. We ended out nightly nursing sessions with no problem at all. I swore I would stop nursing him in the mornings. Then we had his surgery to look forward to (I do plan on posting about his surgery soon). I decided I wanted to be able to nurse him when he woke form his anesthesia which turned out to be a very wise choice. Now here we are over 14 months old and still nursing in the mornings. So why the gray area? I don't have to nurse him. When we visited my parents, they would get him up int he morning and allow me to sleep in. If we missed a day or even two in a row it was no big deal. If we are home and I get him up and we want to, we sit in our chair and cuddle while he nurses a bit. I know there's really no problem here, but I think it's time to stop. I would like to have a bit of a break before Baby Boy #2 arrives and I also do not want Owen to want to nurse when I go back to work in a few weeks.

Breastfeeding has been a breeze for us. It came so naturally and the only obstacle we have encountered is when my production went way down and that was because I found myself knocked up again. It has been a very special bonding time that Owen and I have been blessed to share and I guess emotionally that is something hard to give up. he is my baby boy and always will be. Now I know I can't nurse him forever, the thought of him going off to Kindergarten asking for "just another quick drink" makes me giggle. I know there are some people who might not see anything wrong with that. That's not me. But the truth is, I think our time has come to move on and give up our morning time together.

Some mom honesty

To be perfectly honest, I want to be a stay at home mom to my sweet boy Owen and his new little brother who will be arriving sooner than later. Also, to be perfectly honest, staying at home makes me crazy! I think it's a grass is always greener situation, but in case you didn't know, parenting a one year old is hard. Very hard!

For approximately 11 hours, I am the sole caregiver to a very active, very loud, one year old boy. Now don't get me wrong, I love this guy more than I ever thought possible. He makes me smile and laugh and cry all at the same time. Mostly though, he makes me want to be a good mom because I know that he deserves my love and attention and teaching during the day. But again, to be perfectly honest, it's exhausting. We can only run so many errands and plan so many play dates. In the end there are times that we just have to be home and with each other. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it's a very difficult thing.

So here's my honesty that might not seem too pretty or something that a lot of moms want to admit. I crave adult interaction and at times, take walks with Owen just to see who might be outside and might want to stop and talk for a few minutes. I plan things for us to do to take up chunks of time during the day. I can't wait until nap time when I get 1 hour (yes, that's all he naps) to sit in peace and quiet. Unfortunately, that's also the one hour that I try to squeeze in a day's worth of chores. I love when he can settle on a toy or an activity and I get a few minutes where he is not demanding my attention. Those are the ugly truths of parenthood.

So how then can I say I would prefer to be at home with him? That's easy. There are tough time and times that I literally have to close my eyes for just a second to regain some patience (like when he touches the same glass door on the bookcase for the 5th time in a row after having a  time out 5 times for doing it); but, when I open my eyes and he is leaning against me kissing my shoulder with his big open mouth, my heart melts. When he walks around the house with his hand to his ear pretending it's a phone having a very loud conversation with who knows who, I laugh. When he feeds me his lunch, I am proud. He is a sweet, lovable, funny, wild little boy who I would prefer to spend my time with over anyone else.

To be honest, I love being a mom. It's the single hardest job I have ever had and it's the single most rewarding job I ever will have.

Genuinely Sad

For the past week, I have started writing this post and deleted. It just wasn't right and I was crying so hard the screen was all burry. There just aren't words to describe what's going on right now - I'm going back to work. Tomorrow.

To say that I am sad would be an understatement. To say that I am scared and nervous and anxious and I have a heavy pit in my stomach that makes me feel like I am going to vomit at any given moment - that might explain it a little better.

For 6 months, I got to be a stay at home mom. I got to do all the things that stay at home moms do. Change diapers, feed a baby, bathe a baby, play with a baby, clean up spit up, clean the house, do laundry, cook, mow the lawn, rake leaves, grocery shop, run errands, chase the dogs, and the list goes on and on. I treated every day like it was my job. It was my job to be a wife and a mom.

Before having Owen, I couldn't imagine what a stay at home mom did all day and now I don't know where the time goes. It is the most rewarding feeling at the end of the day to look at my happy baby, husband and puppies and know that I contributed directly to their well being.

Tomorrow starts a new chapter of balance. I know I have to figure out a way to balance all of the things I love doing for my family, while still working away from our home 9 hours a day. Owen will be well cared for. He will be spending his days with a  neighbor of our who has two children of her own, one of which is a little boy 1 week older than Owen. What a world that will open up for him!

I try to look at the positive side of our situation, and there are many positives. For now, I am just sad. I know it will pass and there will come a day when all of this will just be second nature. I'll be super mom accomplishing everything in half the time with thinking twice. And it will make me a better, stronger person. I hope.

Solids 101

I never thought I would have such strong feelings or emotions connected to pureed food. I also never thought my husband and I would discuss poop via text during the day. ( me: "i cant evn bgin 2 describe owen's diaper 2 u. brett: "dont") Along with baby, comes change.

I am in no hurry to feed Owen solids. I think I mentioned that before and I also mentioned that Owen won and has been eating bananas for over a month now. If I had my way, he could have  a treat of bananas every once in a  while but mommy's milk would be the #1 food for much longer. Unfortunately, I'm not getting my way (for several things, but we won't talk about going back to work because, yep, cue the tears). Owen is/ has been showing all readiness signs to start solids and the recommendation is between 4 and 6 months, although like everything, it's a personal choice. We decided that 5 months would be our starting point so that we could see the funny faces he was sure to make when trying new foods. The plan was to give him rice cereal on his 5 month birthday and start a new food every 3-4 days after that, watching for any signs of an allergic reaction. So that's what we did. On October 11, Owen "enjoyed" his first helping of rice cereal. Mixed with breast milk. Then mixed with bananas. The jury is still out on his opinion of rice cereal. A few days after, we gave him sweet potatoes and then pears, both of which are now favorites in Owen's book.

I decided that at least to start, I wanted to make Owen's baby food. With the help of a friend who did this last summer and the internet, it was a breeze. I found this website - Wholesome Baby Food: Momtastic -which was a wealth of information. I especially like their chart of foods to give baby for each stage. I downloaded and printed mine and stuck it in Owen's section of the Home Binder.Why did I want to make his food? Who wouldn't want to be up to their elbows in steamers, food processors, and purees? Seriously. I just felt that since I am home and have the time I could at least provide Owen with the best possible food to start. I don't know if I will make all of his baby food, but he is now well stocked for a while. Because I made his food, I know that there are no added ingredients, no chemicals, and that it is as fresh (or was before i froze it) as possible and is all organic.

What I did
For starters, Living Social offered a Whole Foods deal several weeks ago that I bought and recieved $20 worth of roceries for $10. So last week Owen and I headed to Whole Foods and purchased some organic fruits and veggies (and maybe a thing or two for mom and dad). I also purchased some packaged food just to have on hand. Here's what we started with:

Organic carrots, squash, sweet potatoes, apples, pears
Earth's Best Rice Cereal and Oatmeal
Earth's Best Sweet Potatoes (jar)
Sprout - Squash, Peas, Pears

When we got home, I got my supplies ready. For the sweet potatoes, squash, and carrots, I steamed them using my steamer basket inside a pot with a lid. After they were very tended, I used a food processor to puree them. In order to get the right consistency, I used the water they steamed in which also ensured we didn't lose any good nutrients. For the apples and pears, I peeled, cored, and diced them and then baked them covered on 300 for about 30 minutes. I then used the food processor for them also. They didn't need much water added because they created so much of their own.

So when I had several bowls of pureed foods lining the counter, I started filling up ice cube trays with all of the purees. I put them in the freezer over night, then popped them out into their own labeled freezer Ziploc bag.

Now, whenever Owen is ready for some food, I simply pop out a cube and let thaw. If we are in a hurry, I will nuke it in the microwave for a few seconds but I then make sure to stir it well and text to make sure there are no hot spots.

There you have it. I have enough cubes to last him until well after i go back to work since right now he is only eating one cube a day.

So simple. If anyone has any questions, I would be more than willing to offer my advice. I'm no expert but found this to be a very simple and economical project.

5 Months of Baby Love

To my sweet boy! The past month has flown by even faster than the first 4. It must be because my time home with you is finally coming to an end. We have only 4 short weeks left.

You are getting so big! You have reached 16 pounds but I can't get an accurate length because you are alway on the move. Keeping your drawers full of clothes that fit is becoming a job. You are in 6-9 month clothes and can even wear some 12 months. We never know what trick you will show us each day. Last week, October 4, you woke up and rolled over. And that, my boy, has been the end of you spending any time on your tummy. Any time I put you there, you almost immediately roll right to your back you think you're pretty cool being able to do that.

"I'm not staying on my belly long!"

You also woke up one day and decided to try to mimic my mouth. Hilarious!

On September 18, we gave in and gave you bananas because you are so grabby when we eat. You love them. When the spoon gets near, you use both hands to try to force more than I am giving you in. What else has changed this month? Your baby bath tub is packed away. You needed your freedom and so we now lay a hand towel in the bathtub and you kick and splash like crazy.

You've been a traveler again. We visited Washington the first weekend in October and you attended the end of Julie's wedding. Daddy, you and I danced in your PJs to Kenny Chesney and Dave Matthew's song, "I'm Alive". We have decided that it's our family song! Your Gammy, Grandpap, and Uncle Ben were so happy, as always to see you. You even got to spend some time with your Great Grandma Rheba and Great Grandpap Bert. What a lucky guy you are!

You have visited Kuiper's Farm, The Morton Arboretum, the Adler Planetarium, and swung on the swings at the park for the first time. We had almost two weeks of perfect weather that we took full advantage of. We have been a busy family!

In nothing but a diaper on October 7!

You continue to amaze us each day with your bright disposition. You still sleep well during the day and are taking fewer but longer naps. You still wake up once in the night and I think it has just become a habit. We need to break that ahbit. You chew on everything and are drooling quite a bit. I think teeth might be in your future.  You are still very loud at home, in fact your screams are ear piercing, and serious when we are out.

Just like your Daddy. He gave you a tiny taste of cream cheese frosting and you nearly lost your mind!

Owen, your Dad and I just love you so much. We have talked recently about how there was something missing in our lives because and we didn't even know it until you came along.

seasons change . . . and so do babies

i was standing at our kitchen window this morning looking out into the back yard. my coffee was heating in the microwave for the third time and i was chuckling to myself about what had just transpired over the last 5 minutes.

owen is a great napper. he gets squirmy and loud and that lets us know he is ready for bed. all we have to do is put him in his crib on his belly and he falls asleep. he may fuss or talk for a minute, but never longer.

yesterday, owen woke up and decided that he was going to start rolling over from his belly to his back. there went tummy time. he will. not. stay. on. his. belly. also yesterday, we had no problems with naps.

fast forward to this morning. owen let me know that he was ready for a nap. i kissed him and put him in bed. before i even got out of the room, he rolled to his back and was laughing. so i rolled him back over and the same thing happened. he has a mirror on the side of his crib that he started playing with.

as i stand at the kitchen window, he is currently in his crib, on his back, yelling at the top of his lungs playing with his mirror. he thinks this is the greatest thing since breast milk.

so as i look out the window and notice the orange and yellow leaves starting to spot the grass, it's hard not to think back to that the first time i looked out this window when owen was home, it was spring and he was nothing but a swaddled bundle on a phototherapy machine. as we moved into summer, the swaddling stopped because he needed to move. he developed a personality, learned to "talk", and found a way to communicate with us. now it's fall and he doesn't stay put. he's even louder and he loves bananas and his toys. a month from now, (because we live in the midwest) i will stand at this window and there will most likely be snow on the ground. and owen will be different.

and that's the life of a mother. standing at a window, looking at the same back yard and things are always totally different. it's amazing the incredible life lessons you learn in less than 5 months.

Why we didn't tell

I've been thinking about writing this post for a while, but didn't know how to put it into words without perhaps offending someone. Then just this morning, Blue Eyed Bride (probably my most favorite blog) wrote a beautiful post about being a boy mom and it really got me thinking.

Brett and I tried to get pregnant for 7 months. As I have said before, I'm not claiming to have suffered any great getting-pregnant struggle. There are many of you out there that have gone to the moon and back and still don't have that bundle of joy. My heart goes out to those families. But, as a member of a family that has been through infertility (it wasn't planned that there is 10 and 11 years between my brothers and I), I know what a blessing pregnancies that end with a healthy baby are.

So on September 8, 2010, when that test said positive, the only thing left was to pray for a healthy baby, and even at that, we would have loved whatever we were blessed with. From the start I was torn about finding out the gender of the baby. I went back and forth with all of the common pros and cons. It's the only real surprise in your life. Don't find out. It's so much easier to plan if you know. I decided that because it didn't matter to me at all, I didn't care to find out. Brett felt differently and really wanted to know. So like everything in marriage, we compromised.

We found out but made the decision to only tell our immediate family and one friend each. It was hard knowing and not sharing some of those feelings with people, but the bottom line was that it didn't matter. I didn't want this baby already entering into a world of pink or blue. I didn't want the world casting judgement  that "Brett got his boy! Congratulations!" or "Maybe the next one with be a girl, Marissa." I didn't care and neither did Brett. We both had the same fears. Brett confided that he didn't know what to do with a girl and it made him a little nervous, but also admitted that she would be a Daddy's girl forever. I was worried that I didn't know what to do with a boy. I'm not the most athletic and I knew that if we had a boy there would be so many things that Brett would do with him that I would not be a part of or at least on the outside of. Even with those fears, the gender of our baby was the least of our concerns.

Many people had a hard time with our decision and made it their mission to find out. People badgered and asked over and over. People tried to trick us into telling (Brett actually fell for one). It mattered more to everyone else what this baby was than it did to us.

When I think about Owen's future and my relationship with him, I know it will not be the same as it would if he were a girl. It will be different and special in its own way. I want him to be the tough guy who shows a brave face to his teammates and Dad and then comes home and cries on his mom's shoulder because they lost the game.

We hope that there are more babies in our future, but there may not be. If there are, we will love them and open our hearts to a son or a daughter. There's a special relationship between brothers and brothers and sisters just the same.

For now, I just hope that Brett and Owen will let me tag along to the batting cage. I'm really good at packing snacks.

Going Bananas!

"I'm not giving Owen solid until I absolutely have to." Yep! That was me saying that not too long ago. Well, the little guy won. As I posted before, he became SO interested in what we were eating, especially after we put him at the table, that I gave in and gave him bananas. He loves them. I don't. Why? Let's just say the consistency and odor of his diaper changed immediately. Gross!

"Bittersweet Song of September"

It's bittersweet, the start of school. I am usually like a little kid buying new school supplies, but this year, instead, I am home. While I am thankful for everyday, I am counting down the days until I go back to work. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting around each day sulking with impending dread, but I know it will be here faster than I want. I know this because almost 4 months have gone by in the blink of an eye and my baby is starting to "grow up".  When I return to work, things will be different and this time will be over. There have been so many firsts, big ones and little ones, that I want to freeze time. And yet I don't. I love watching him grow and learn something new everyday. Some days it's a big "new" like rolling over and other days it's a little "new" like rasberrying his lips. The problem is that every time he does something new I know he is one step closer to not being my baby any more.

I read this column in the Boston Globe today. I couldn't have said it any better myself.
*actual article can be found here

Bittersweet Song of September by: Beverly Beckham

I’m glad I’m not a young mother shopping for school clothes and new backpacks, studying the bus schedule, filling in the calendar with “No school day’’ and “Early release,’’ scheduling gymnastics and dance lessons, switching gears and mindset, getting ready to give my children back to the world, bidding this long, hot, summer goodbye
I never liked September when my children were young. It meant the end of something, not the beginning. Every year, when they walked out the front door and down the walk to wait for the school bus, a little taller and a little wiser than they were just 12 weeks before, my heart ached because I knew that when I got them back again in June, they wouldn’t be who they were now.

Children grow in the summer, too, I know, but it’s different when school starts. They seem to grow faster then. Everything seems faster.

There is a song from “Big: The Musical’’ that sums up the bittersweetness of raising children. It’s called “Stop Time,’’ and the first time you hear it, it stops your heart. “Nobody warns you of this parent’s paradox. You want your kid to change and grow,’’ the song says. “But when he does, another child you’ve just begun to know, leaves forever.’’

Even when you win, you lose. That’s the truth of the song. And that’s the truth about kids. You love your children at every stage exactly as they are. You love the way your baby fits snugly in your arms, the way he opens and closes his tiny hands, the way he sighs and leans into you when he’s sleepy. And you want to stop time. But you love it when he’s bigger, too, when he sits up all by himself. And you want to stop time, then. And when he learns to crawl. And when he walks and talks. And look. He’s starting kindergarten. And he’s learning to read. Can it get any better?

It does. It gets better and better. Parenting is filled with bests and a million happy tears. But it’s filled with lumps in your throat, too, and yearning for what was because even as you’re snapping pictures and head over heels in love with the moment that is, a part of you misses the moments that are not anymore. The infant your child was. The 2-year-old you pushed in her carriage all over town. The 5-year-old who said “pinuter’’ not computer. The 6-year-old who raced in from school every day eager to show you what he’d colored and learned and made.

September whisks kids away and entertains them and beguiles them, but returns them not as they were but changed and in a different size. That’s why parents cry as they stand and wave goodbye. Because first grade becomes fifth grade becomes high school becomes college even as you watch.

How is this, I wonder, that a day alone with a colicky baby and an I-don’t-take-a-nap-anymore 2-year-old can feel like a year? But 18 years can go by in a blink of an eye? How is it that both my daughters, who just yesterday were upstairs trying on their new school clothes, are this year dressing their own children ready for first grade?

They’ve bought new clothes and a lunch box and a backpack. Just as I bought new clothes and a lunchbox and a backpack for them, just as my mother bought new clothes and a lunch box and a green cloth book bag for me.

It’s a big step, first grade, the first in a journey that will take their children physically, emotionally, and spiritually to places they cannot begin to imagine. And not only will their children change, but the world will change, too.

The kids are excited. We’re all excited. A stop-time moment is on its way.

But time won’t stop. It won’t even slow down. That’s why we’ll pay attention and take pictures. So we’ll never forget the day. So that even when it’s passed, it will remain.

I Dig The Stay At Home Mom Gig

Owen turned 3 months yesterday (post coming soon...the little stinker wasn't cooperating for his photo shoot), which means I have officially been off work for 3 months and a few days (remember that baby free maternity leave that was cut short by having a baby?) and as of Monday have exactly 12 weeks to go. Yep - the new school year starts on Monday and thus begins the countdown to me return to the "real" world. The world of getting up early (even earlier than I do now), taking a shower (not at 3:00), getting dressed (in something other than running shorts (if only it was to run in) and a t-shirt), and getting out the door (not to Target). *sigh*

Before Owen was born, this phrase passed my lips on more than one occasion - "I could never be a stay at home mom. I don't know what I would do all day." Well, part of that is true - on most days I look back and am not sure what I did all day - but the other part was me being naive. I could TOTALLY be a stay at home mom. I absolutely adore it and think that there is no other job in the world that compares to raising our son. It makes me sad to think that come November, someone else will be the one to wipe his butt, clean up his spit up, and hear the ear piercing cry when he is beyond hungry. To many people, that may not sound like fun but I consider it a privilege to do these things every day. It is things like this morning, when I walked up to his crib and he smiled at me, lifted both legs, rolled to his side, and farted that makes me proud to be the Mommy of this sweet little boy. Why would I consider that a privilege? Well, it's easy to love on a  baby when they are happy and smiling, but it's a little more work when you are wrangling this baby and his new found love of kicking his feet in his poopy diaper. But I am the one who gets to do it. I am the one who gets handed the baby in a group of people when he starts to fuss. I like being "the one". I guess that may not make sense to everyone.

A lot of people's response to this post would be that anything is possible and that if I really wanted to stay home, that we could make it work. That's true. But, we have made a decision that we feel is best for our family (at least for now) to continue working. Being a 2 income family allows us to do things we would not otherwise be able to do if I didn't work. This may sound silly, but I can't wait to take Owen to Disney World and that trip would be a lot farther off if I didn't work. Also, being a teacher gives me a schedule that most mom's would drool over. I get to work decent hours, have every night, weekend, and holiday off and get several weeks throughout the year and summer break to look forward to. It really is a win-win situation.

As for Owen, I know that Brett and I are the best people to raise him. On the other hand, going to a sitter allows his world to be a little bigger. It allows him to learn life skills like sharing and will help him to understand that the world is a bigger place than just him and his home. I want him to know these things. I want him to be a patient and kind young man and I truly believe that some time away from us and with other people can teach him these things better than we can. Part of this might be me convincing myself of these things, but one thing is for sure - I want the best or our son!

"Why on Earth are you using cloth diapers?"

Since I made the decision to use cloth diapers, I have gotten this question a lot and I get it. Disposables are easy and can be affordable with the right research. Basically there are 3 reasons that I made the decision (and then got Brett on board) with the cloths.

1. Cost - Initially cloth diapers are expensive because individually they do cost a bit, but you are basically buying (hopefully) all the diapers your baby will need at one time. You may need to purchase a few additional ones due to size, comfort, absorbency, etc. but you basically have all you need.

2. Waste - Not the waste that comes in the diapers, haha! We are not crazy Earth conscious people but we do try to recycle, conserve when we can, and do our small part. In addition, where we live charges for garbage by the bag so we are even more into recycling for that reason. We knew that disposables would likely increase the amount of times we had to put trash out and therefore be an additional cost.

3. "What's in a  disposable?" - Again, we aren't crazy natural people but when I can choose something that is not made of chemicals, I do, and that is just what is inside a disposable diaper. I don't know what it is, but I know it's not natural. 

One of Owen's first days in a cloth (Grovia) diaper

So taking these things into consideration, as well information we gathered about the reduced risk of diaper rash, we decided to give it a try. Now cloth diapering isn't hard, but it does take some getting used to and developing your own system. In addition, you have to figure out which diapers will work for you. We are fortunate to have a store dedicated to cloth diapering very close to where we live called Comfy Bummy and they were a WEALTH of information. They also have a blog with even more information. My fellow new mama, Natalie, and I spent several hours over a few different trips learning about all the brands, types, etc. Their suggestion is to purchase a few different brands and types (inserts vs. all in ones) and then decide what works best for you. 

Initially, I purchased a Grovia cover and 2 inserts, a Thirsty cover and a Flip cover with one insert. In addition, I purchased 12 Chinese prefolds. For the first 3 weeks of Owen's life, we did use Pampers Swaddlers because they just fit better. They were also easier to keep off of his belly button before it fell off and easier to care for his circumcision. 

After starting to use the cloth diapers, I wasn't sure I liked them because of how bulky they are. In fact some of his 3 month clothes didn't fit any more because of the added bulk. We kept with it though and ran into another snag - he did get a diaper rash and a BAD one. So one Saturday night, Brett had to go to Target at 9:45 to buy disposables so that we could smear his butt with Butt Paste (you can't use most diaper rash creams with cloths because they affect the absorbency). So after soaking his butt and treating the rash we went back to the cloths, but I still wasn't sure how I felt about them. If he was going to get diaper rash again and we were still going to have to buy disposables, was this really worth it? Well, he has yet to get a rash again and we are now in full swing of using cloth diapers.

Washing
I ultimately purchased 2 more Flip covers which each come with one insert and 6 more prefolds. I now have a total of 5 covers, 2 Grovia inserts, 3 Flip inserts, and 17 prefolds (Tucker actually ate one of the diapers!). Owen can mess a diaper with the best of them so we go through a lot of diapers. I also change him quite frequently because I don't feel wasteful since I'm not throwing out the diapers. I do laundry now every 3 days (sometimes every 2 if he has been super messy and gone on too many of the covers). I settled on Ecos brand laundry detergent which I was able to find at a local grocery store for a reasonable price. When I wash the diapers, I do a cold rinse, a hot regular cycle, and then an additional warm rinse. After washing, I throw the diapers in the dryer for about 10-15 minutes to fluff them then line dry outside. I always line dry the covers and the Kissa's Antibacterial liner. Oh, the liner goes inside a small step stainless steel garbage can that I purchased at Wal-Mart. I found out by mistake, that the sun is the BEST way to bleach a diaper white again. You can't believe the yellow stains that have virtually disappeared just by being outside.

Cloth diapers aren't for everyone. Since Owen drinks solely breast milk, his diapers are pretty easy to get clean. I'm a little over the top and I do rinse out ever diaper before it does in the bag. Every once in a while I sprinkle a little baking soda in the bag. All in all, it's not hard and after consistently using cloth diapers for a over about a month and a half, I love them!

I'm "Becoming Baby Wise"

Let's talk about being a first time mom. When I had Owen, it was like there were two different people inside of me. On the one hand, I was convinced that being a mom couldn't be more natural. Women have been doing it for a few years now and shouldn't everything just work. This was my view on breastfeeding, sleeping, basically everything involved in raising a baby. I never thought it would be easy just natural. On the other hand, I was scared to death that I was going to mess up. Surely at some point I would do something wrong that would scar Owen for life. I mean, seriously, I had NO idea what I was doing, so I just did what came naturally and for the most part, it worked. Breastfeeding was something that just worked for us. Owen latched immediately and even the lactation consultant at the hospital had no suggestions as he was doing very well. At times he's a lazy eater and sometimes a distracted eater, but always an eater. I have no horror stories of problems with my breasts, Owen refusing to eat, not gaining weight...it really just worked like it was supposed to. For the most part, everything else worked just fine too. He is a happy little boy. He smiles so often now and laughs on occasion. He has started to coo and you can tell he is responding to us being around.

The one thing that didn't come so natural was sleep. Now, I have to say, that I can't complain. I know there are moms out there that are up every hour and get no night time sleep. That has never (knock on every piece of wood within reach) been the case. Our problem was more that I never knew when Owen would sleep and for how long. His "schedule" basically went like this - I would nurse him, he would be awake for a little while, then he would get fussy so I would nurse him to sleep, then gingerly place him in his crib while creeping out, praying that he would stay asleep. Then I played the waiting game because I never knew if he would sleep for 30 minutes or 3 hours. I started to get very frustrated because I could't get anything done. Any time I thought I had time to do something, he would immediately wake up. If I thought he wouldn't sleep long, I would wait for him to get up and I would end up waiting for hours. I really couldn't take it any more.

At the July 4th parade, I ran into a neighbor with a little one a week older than Owen. She mentioned that she had "done Baby wise" with both of her kids and loved it. I knew  had heard brief mentions of "Baby Wise" but had never paid attention because like I said, shouldn't a baby sleeping just come naturally? Well, I did some research on the internet and checked the book out of the library. At first I was skeptical to say the least. I hated the thought of letting Owen cry and I just didn't think such a strict schedule fit our lifestyle. I like to go, go, go and didn't want to be tied down. Please hold the laughter. I do know that I have a baby :-) Anyway, I started by changing nothing, but writing down exactly what time we did everything each day and I found that he already had the start of a pattern. I then put him on a 3 hour feeding schedule that looks like this  -

7:00 am Owen gets up to start his day I sometimes have to wake him up. He eats and we play on his activity gym.
8:00/15 - Owen goes down for a nap.
10:00 Time to eat again. I sometimes have to wake him from this nap. We read some books, go outside if it's not too hot, play with the puppies and do some chores around the house.
11:30 Down for another nap.
1:00 Time to eat - he usually wakes up on his own. We read and go for a walk in the stroller.
2:30 Nap time.
4:00 Time to eat. 50/50 on whether I wake him or he gets up on his own.
5:00 He starts to get cranky and doesn't like to go down for a nap, but he is back in his crib by 5:30.
6:10 I wake him up to go pick up dad at the train station. He is usually fussy when we get home and dad makes every attempt to make him laugh while I finish dinner.
7:00 Time to eat. He is usually satisfied for a little while.
8:00 Start getting read for bed. We were putting him down at 8:30 but decided it's a bit late and are starting to put him to bed now at 8 or 8:15.
10:00 Dream feed...I initially wasn't sure how I felt about this, but after trying it and not, have decided it works for us.
3:00-5:00 Owen gets up to eat. He doesn't yet have a set time, but I hope that he will soon. Last night he got up at 4:50-woohoo!

So for now this seems to be working. Obviously these times are approximate, but what I love is that I now recognize exactly when he is tired. I can put him in his crib and might yell once or twice but goes right to sleep. I feel like I am being a better mom to him because I am giving him what he actually needs and not what I think he needs. The other nice thing about the Feed/ Wake/ Sleep schedule is that he is not eating right before lying down. He has a slight case of reflux and I think that is why he was previously waking up only a short time into his nap. (He is also sleeping better now that he naps on his tummy. I do not need reminded that "Back is Best", I know this, but Owen doesn't) Now, because he is up and awake for a while after eating, he is having less trouble and works through it while awake instead of asleep.

I am certainly no expert and am constantly second guessing myself, mainly on the waking him up form naps part. But, things are going so much better. I can accomplish more during the day, can plan our time out of the house, and Owen is SERIOUSLY a happier baby!

I linked up with Kelly at Kelly's Korner for her Show Us Your Life Series. Today's Topic: Best Parenting Advice.

A sleepless Thursday

Today is Thursday and Owen is 6 weeks and 1 day old. While normally a precious and peaceful baby, today he has decided that naps are overrated.

That is fine except that he is TIRED!
Here has been his day...
Mommy holds/ feeds/ dances with/ rocks Owen for said period of time until he falls asleep.
Owen lays down in his crib and almost immediately wakes up and begins wailing.
Mommy listens to Owen wail for as long as humanly possible.
Mommy picks Owen up and it begins all over again.

At about 4:00, I gave him a warm bath and we came into his room to play. He is now on his Boppy  under his Baby Einstein Ocean Adventure Gym as happy as could be, smiley and filling his pants.

I sit here staring at my little angel - still in my night gown. It's 4:42 pm. . . glad I'm dressed for bed already.

*Note - in the time it took me to take above picture and finish post, the little angel is fast asleep. I am not moving him.