One Year

One whole year has passed since I last posted. It really is a complete coincidence that I sat down today to write and noted that it has been exactly one year. While it seems like little time has passed since I filled this page on thoughts abbout being a mom, so many things in our lives have happened.

We welcomed the birth of our second little boy on October 9. He has filled our hearts to the point that I just don't know if there is room for any more love. And every time I think that, I look at our two little men and I smile and my heart gets fuller.

Declan Anthony

On February 2, we said good bye to our "very special in his own way" dog, Tucker. He had a bad accident and it was the best for everyone that Tucker go to a place that he could finally rest and get some peace.  What a heartbreak we felt saying good bye to our buddy!

While those have been the biggest ups and downs of the past year, so many memories have been made. As a family we have grown and learned more about each other. We have learned to love in different ways, we have learned to look to the future when things in the present get us down. Mostly though we have learned that we have each tother. It sounds so cliche, but I am caught in these moments that seem surreal. I have an almost out of body experinec and it's as if I am an outsider looking in. Watching my husband be a daddy and watching these two little boys play and thinking they simply can't be mine. I couldn't be that lucky. But I am. I am blessed beyond admission and that really is all I can ask for.

A very tired family after a very fun day!

We are in the midst once again of some changes in our house. Blogging has been a wondeful outlet and record holder for me and I hope that perhaps over the next few weeks and months, I can manage to put away some quiet time to reflect on these blessings we have been given because they are so great!

Owen's Visit to Camp Gammy and Pap

I recently wrote about my first night away from Owen. It was a much needed getaway for Brett and I to reconnect and enjoy each other's company without the tug of our little man. Well, we have now had an extended "getaway" except he's the one who has "gotten away". My sweet little baby is spending a week "on his own" with my parents - Camp Gammy and Pap as I like to call it. He is having a blast and much to our dismay, we don't think he misses us or needs us as much as we like to think he does.

It took me a few days to get used to him being gone. I was still feeling that little pit of anxiety that I had to get everything done immediately because at any time he could wake up from his nap and my attention to chores, etc. would be lost. I have used this time wisely though. I have napped a lot, resting this poor pregnant body has been a must. I have organized our house and decluttered lots of stuff that needed to go. I have grocery shopped and prepared meals and feel organized and good about what I'm feeding my family. But most of all, I have dedicated some time to two people that I have neglected a little bit.

Brett and I spent the weekend almost as if we were "young and carefree" again. We went to the movies and saw the Dark Night, we went shopping, we went out to breakfast, we sat on our patio and chatted for a while. We basically just enjoyed being with each other. I wrote before how important it is to me for us to stay connected as a couple. It is something I have struggled with since the day Owen came home from the hospital. He demands a lot of time and attention, but in order for us to be good parents, we have to be good partners. This last weekend and these evenings this week, we have had a chance to remember what it's like to be "just us" and it has been wonderful.

The other person I have been able to spend some time with is this little boy growing inside me. I remember being pregnant with Owen and loving moments when I was completely present and feeling him move. It was like he was almost here already and I was getting to know him. I haven't done a lot of that this time around. As I've stated many times, Owen requires a lot of attention. Sitting with my hands on my belly and talking to BB2 doesn't happen a whole lot. I try to do this at night, but I'm so tired. Without Owen around, I have been able to connect with the baby and feel so much closer to him than I did before. I'm starting to visualize what it's really going to be like with a new little guy here. I've talked to him so much more this week and began doing some practical things to prepare for his arrival as well. It's amazing just how different it is the second time around, but we just now decided some details of his room and purchased a crib. I can't wait to meet him and have him be a part of our amazing family.

I hope this isn't misconstrued by any means. I miss Owen more than I can describe. Every time I watch a video sent by my mom or dad or see a picture of something fun they are doing, I want to wrap my arms around him and get one of his wide mouth kisses. I'm so thankful that he has family that he loves so much and that love him so much that being away from us is perfectly OK. I think we are both enjoying our time apart, but I can't wait to hear that little shriek when I pick him up!

Over a year, ready to wean?

So while I'm feeling so honest about motherhood this week, I should share that I've been struggling giving something up. Something very special and something that has taken up quite a bit of my life over the past...14 months. Breastfeeding. Yep! I'm still doing it. This is one of those topics that's tough to talk about because most people are very opinionated about it, especially the weaning part. I have lots of friends who have stopped at various points in their babies development for many reasons. Some stopped early on because they just didn't produce enough milk. Some set a goal and once that goal was reached, they quit cold turkey. Others keep going and end up not really knowing how to stop and it becomes more difficult because their baby starts to depend on it for comfort. We are in a weird gray area.

After Owen's first birthday, he gave up the bottle with no problem and switched to whole milk and a sippy cup. We ended out nightly nursing sessions with no problem at all. I swore I would stop nursing him in the mornings. Then we had his surgery to look forward to (I do plan on posting about his surgery soon). I decided I wanted to be able to nurse him when he woke form his anesthesia which turned out to be a very wise choice. Now here we are over 14 months old and still nursing in the mornings. So why the gray area? I don't have to nurse him. When we visited my parents, they would get him up int he morning and allow me to sleep in. If we missed a day or even two in a row it was no big deal. If we are home and I get him up and we want to, we sit in our chair and cuddle while he nurses a bit. I know there's really no problem here, but I think it's time to stop. I would like to have a bit of a break before Baby Boy #2 arrives and I also do not want Owen to want to nurse when I go back to work in a few weeks.

Breastfeeding has been a breeze for us. It came so naturally and the only obstacle we have encountered is when my production went way down and that was because I found myself knocked up again. It has been a very special bonding time that Owen and I have been blessed to share and I guess emotionally that is something hard to give up. he is my baby boy and always will be. Now I know I can't nurse him forever, the thought of him going off to Kindergarten asking for "just another quick drink" makes me giggle. I know there are some people who might not see anything wrong with that. That's not me. But the truth is, I think our time has come to move on and give up our morning time together.

Some mom honesty

To be perfectly honest, I want to be a stay at home mom to my sweet boy Owen and his new little brother who will be arriving sooner than later. Also, to be perfectly honest, staying at home makes me crazy! I think it's a grass is always greener situation, but in case you didn't know, parenting a one year old is hard. Very hard!

For approximately 11 hours, I am the sole caregiver to a very active, very loud, one year old boy. Now don't get me wrong, I love this guy more than I ever thought possible. He makes me smile and laugh and cry all at the same time. Mostly though, he makes me want to be a good mom because I know that he deserves my love and attention and teaching during the day. But again, to be perfectly honest, it's exhausting. We can only run so many errands and plan so many play dates. In the end there are times that we just have to be home and with each other. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it's a very difficult thing.

So here's my honesty that might not seem too pretty or something that a lot of moms want to admit. I crave adult interaction and at times, take walks with Owen just to see who might be outside and might want to stop and talk for a few minutes. I plan things for us to do to take up chunks of time during the day. I can't wait until nap time when I get 1 hour (yes, that's all he naps) to sit in peace and quiet. Unfortunately, that's also the one hour that I try to squeeze in a day's worth of chores. I love when he can settle on a toy or an activity and I get a few minutes where he is not demanding my attention. Those are the ugly truths of parenthood.

So how then can I say I would prefer to be at home with him? That's easy. There are tough time and times that I literally have to close my eyes for just a second to regain some patience (like when he touches the same glass door on the bookcase for the 5th time in a row after having a  time out 5 times for doing it); but, when I open my eyes and he is leaning against me kissing my shoulder with his big open mouth, my heart melts. When he walks around the house with his hand to his ear pretending it's a phone having a very loud conversation with who knows who, I laugh. When he feeds me his lunch, I am proud. He is a sweet, lovable, funny, wild little boy who I would prefer to spend my time with over anyone else.

To be honest, I love being a mom. It's the single hardest job I have ever had and it's the single most rewarding job I ever will have.

Summer Fun

This summer is flying by and I think it's because we have just been so busy. Not in a bad way, but in a "taking advantage of being home and having a very active one year old way".  After spending the first week in PA, I got right back into stay at home mama mode - my favorite!!!! Owen and I have been playing in the back yard from morning until night, swimming, swinging, digging in the dirt. You name it and we've done it. We've also had lots of play dates with friends from work and friends in the neighborhood. Here's a little glimpse:

Our little artist

The baby pool at Gammy and Pap's house in PA

A little uncle love

Too cute!

We turned the pool into a ball pit - SUPER fun!

Brookfield Zoo with Camille and Isabella

Reading to Tucker

Owen's1st Monkey Themed Birthday Party

We planned Owen's party for the day after his actual birthday, May 12. All week the weather did not look like it would be in our favor and my plans of our backyard being host to a beautiful spring party seemed lost. When we woke Saturday morning, it was pouring. The patio was soaked, the grass was wet...but, no need to worry. The boys all set to work setting up tents and planning out the garage for the food and a table or two. While it wasn't the beautiful sunny day I had hoped for, the party was perfect and a lot of work and love went into every last detail.

I absolutely loved the monkey theme as soon Brett and I settled on it. I didn't want to stick to sock monkeys, Julius or Curious George so we went with a little bit of everything and centered it on our blue and yellow colors. Things couldn't have turned out better.

I worked with an amazing seller on Etsy to create the PERFECT t shirt for Owen to wear on his big day (he wore it to the zoo also since I wanted to get more than one wear out of it). Missy from Tiger Chic Designs matched our colors perfectly, and designed the perfect party hat for the monkey to wear!

Other than that, we pretty much did everything ourselves. The favors included a few things from the Target dollar bin (Paul Frank key chains, notepads and pencils; monkey water squirters and masks), some things from Oriental Trading (beach balls with monkeys, monkey tattoos) and a package of animal crackers (not monkeys, but close). I got the treat bags from the clearance bin at Party City (they were Curious George and I got 12 for $1). Each bag was tied with blue curling ribbon and had a monkey that I made from construction paper templates and glued together with a thank you note from Owen on the back.

As for food, it could not have been more simple and perfect! We rented a hot dog steamer = AWESOME! Steamed hot dogs and buns and all the toppings for both a Chicago dog and a 'Shorty's with Everything" (Shorty's is a local hot dog shop in Washington, PA). My parents also brought a nacho cheese pump. I think the nachos were the biggest hit. In additional we had yummy pasta salad, a veggie tray and a great display of fruit skewers. On the tables were buckets full of blue and yellow candy (sixlets, gummy bananas, and blue raspberry rings) and well as blue and yellow chocolate covered pretzels that Brett and I hand dipped.

What I was most proud of was the cake and the cupcakes. I wanted cupcake toppers but didn't want the expense of ordering them, so I set out to make them. They turned out to be slightly time consuming trying to figure out the best way to do it, but after I figured it all out, they were very easy. They looked adorable atop yellow cupcakes in blue and white striped papers.

The cake was in the shape of a monkey! I found the design on Parenting.com and it turned out to be so much easier than I thought. I made it Friday night and took so much time to make sure it was perfect. Everyone commented how cute it was and I was feeling pretty proud. When it came time to sing, I carried it to Owen's seat and as I fixed the tray on his highchair, I bumped the cake and it fell to the ground!!!! Cool, calm and collected, I pieced it back together and 30 seconds later Owen dove into it.

Because of the weather, we didn't have much in the way of decorations. I originally planned to hang tissue paper pom poms around the yard, but when the threat of rain appeared in the forecast, I decided it wasn't worth the time. Basically the colors from the table cloths, other things I have already mentioned served as the decorations. We also had a 5 foot inflatable monkey gracing us with his presence.

Honestly, the day could not have been better! Owen was blessed with a birthday party full of lots of friends and family that mean a lot to him and to Brett and I. That was my one simple goal. Our family truly is blessed and it really showed on this special day.

Happy Birthday to our baby boy!!!

A 1st Birthday Celebration at the Zoo!

It's hard to believe that Owen's first birthday has come and gone. It has taken me this past week and then some to recover both mentally (my baby is 1!) and physically (we had an eventful weekend).

The birthday boy in his super cute birthday tee!

His birthday fell on a Friday and this little boy was blessed with family that drove from all over and took time off of work to spend it with him. My parents and brothers arrived on Thursday night and on Friday we were all off to the Brookfield Zoo, along with Brett's stepmom and sister and Owen's amazing babysitter, her two kiddos and an extra friend. The weather could not have been more perfect and the zoo was not overly crowded, short of a small mad rush of kids on field trips at the beginning. Owen was a trooper and powered through nap time although he did fall asleep for a short time.
Brett and I have always loved zoos. We once spent an 8 hour day at Brookfield, just the two of us, enjoying watching the animals. I think Owen has inherited this love of animals as he was mesmerized by anything that was moving. Those sleeping furry things did nothing for him, but as soon as they moved, he was in awe. he loved the aquarium building; standing in the glass and watching the fish was his absolute favorite. The highlight of the day was when he was standing in the underground dolphin observation area and a dolphin swam by very quickly. It startled him and his reaction was priceless!

What a wonderful day to spend celebrating with our little boy!


The perfect spot for our little monkey to see the real monkies!



Owen (getting sleepy) and Dad with a very observant gorilla in the background.





Daddy making Owen his first Mold A Rama! This was special for Brett because he rmemebrs making these as a kid when visiting Brookfield. Owen's first Mold A Rama was a gorilla (they didn't have a monkey) and then Grandma Kate bought him a dolphin too!



A very sleep 1 year old

Mesmorized by the fish

Owen with Mommy, Daddy, and Baby Clancy #2!

Happy Birthday, Owen!

Life 1, Bogging 0

No. I didn't crawl into a deep dark hole, curl up and refuse to go back to work or interact with the rest of the world! Let's just say that life has gotten in the way of blogging, unfortunately. I've always enjoyed sharing our ups and downs with friends, family, and those of you out there that I probably will never meet. But when things get rocky or even just busy, sometimes the smartest thing to do is to know what to let go of. Taking time each day to sit and type and upload pictures just happened to be that thing that I needed to let go of for a while. So...what kinds of crazy things have gotten in the way of blogging? Oh, you know, being a working mom to a crazy little guy, trying to maintain some control over the four legged creatures in our house and trying desperately to still be a semi-good wife to the love of my life. You know just a few little things and maybe a few big things here and there. Here's just a few highlights I've missed blogging about...

In November, we traveled to St. Louis to visit a good friend of Brett's from high school and his family. They were such a great hosts to all (even Lucy and Tucker made the trip) of us. Owen loved the top of the Arch.

Owen's first Thanksgiving...we spent it at home in our PJs. Brett and I ate frozen turkey dinners. Not kidding.

We celebrated our first Christmas as a family of 5!!!

Everyday is a new adventure!

Our Valentine's traditional date at Chipotle and Oberweiss was a little different this year, but for the better!

Owen loves the warm weather and his first 1st birthday present - a Little Tykes 3 in 1 Trike. When my parents came to visit in March they took Owen to Toys R Us to pick out his present a little early.

Owen posing with Gammy, Grandpap and his new trike.

Happy Easter!

And last but certainly not least, Owen is going to be a big brother! We are expecting another little one in October!!!

Genuinely Sad

For the past week, I have started writing this post and deleted. It just wasn't right and I was crying so hard the screen was all burry. There just aren't words to describe what's going on right now - I'm going back to work. Tomorrow.

To say that I am sad would be an understatement. To say that I am scared and nervous and anxious and I have a heavy pit in my stomach that makes me feel like I am going to vomit at any given moment - that might explain it a little better.

For 6 months, I got to be a stay at home mom. I got to do all the things that stay at home moms do. Change diapers, feed a baby, bathe a baby, play with a baby, clean up spit up, clean the house, do laundry, cook, mow the lawn, rake leaves, grocery shop, run errands, chase the dogs, and the list goes on and on. I treated every day like it was my job. It was my job to be a wife and a mom.

Before having Owen, I couldn't imagine what a stay at home mom did all day and now I don't know where the time goes. It is the most rewarding feeling at the end of the day to look at my happy baby, husband and puppies and know that I contributed directly to their well being.

Tomorrow starts a new chapter of balance. I know I have to figure out a way to balance all of the things I love doing for my family, while still working away from our home 9 hours a day. Owen will be well cared for. He will be spending his days with a  neighbor of our who has two children of her own, one of which is a little boy 1 week older than Owen. What a world that will open up for him!

I try to look at the positive side of our situation, and there are many positives. For now, I am just sad. I know it will pass and there will come a day when all of this will just be second nature. I'll be super mom accomplishing everything in half the time with thinking twice. And it will make me a better, stronger person. I hope.

Happy Halloween!

Babies + Pumpkins = Too cute

I don't know if I ever mentioned that last year in my department at school, we had 5 pregnant mammas at he same time and 6 babies born! Four of the five are good friends and have tried to get the babies together as often as possible. (We aren' leaving the fifth out, but she only works part time and not directly with us so we arent' as close.) Last weekend was the first time we were all able to get together and so Owen was meeting a new friend, Jayden, for the first time.

Side story - Owen and Jayden were born on the same day, 20 minutes apart. When we went to the hospital on tuesday, I jokingly sent Jayden's mommy a text and told her that we beat her to the hospital but if she was quick, she could beat us in the baby race. She did. Jayden was born on 5/11 at 10:30 and Owen was born at 10:51. Our due dates were two days apart - mine on 5/ 17 and hers 5/15. What are the chances?

Anyway, we all met at Johansen's Farm and couldn't have had a better time taking pictures of the babies and enjoying our new roles as mommies and daddies.

Owen (5 months), Jayden (5 months), Camille (8 months) and isabella (10 months)

Birthday buddies!

My new favorite family picture!

Our little pumpkin!

BFFs!!!

Solids 101

I never thought I would have such strong feelings or emotions connected to pureed food. I also never thought my husband and I would discuss poop via text during the day. ( me: "i cant evn bgin 2 describe owen's diaper 2 u. brett: "dont") Along with baby, comes change.

I am in no hurry to feed Owen solids. I think I mentioned that before and I also mentioned that Owen won and has been eating bananas for over a month now. If I had my way, he could have  a treat of bananas every once in a  while but mommy's milk would be the #1 food for much longer. Unfortunately, I'm not getting my way (for several things, but we won't talk about going back to work because, yep, cue the tears). Owen is/ has been showing all readiness signs to start solids and the recommendation is between 4 and 6 months, although like everything, it's a personal choice. We decided that 5 months would be our starting point so that we could see the funny faces he was sure to make when trying new foods. The plan was to give him rice cereal on his 5 month birthday and start a new food every 3-4 days after that, watching for any signs of an allergic reaction. So that's what we did. On October 11, Owen "enjoyed" his first helping of rice cereal. Mixed with breast milk. Then mixed with bananas. The jury is still out on his opinion of rice cereal. A few days after, we gave him sweet potatoes and then pears, both of which are now favorites in Owen's book.

I decided that at least to start, I wanted to make Owen's baby food. With the help of a friend who did this last summer and the internet, it was a breeze. I found this website - Wholesome Baby Food: Momtastic -which was a wealth of information. I especially like their chart of foods to give baby for each stage. I downloaded and printed mine and stuck it in Owen's section of the Home Binder.Why did I want to make his food? Who wouldn't want to be up to their elbows in steamers, food processors, and purees? Seriously. I just felt that since I am home and have the time I could at least provide Owen with the best possible food to start. I don't know if I will make all of his baby food, but he is now well stocked for a while. Because I made his food, I know that there are no added ingredients, no chemicals, and that it is as fresh (or was before i froze it) as possible and is all organic.

What I did
For starters, Living Social offered a Whole Foods deal several weeks ago that I bought and recieved $20 worth of roceries for $10. So last week Owen and I headed to Whole Foods and purchased some organic fruits and veggies (and maybe a thing or two for mom and dad). I also purchased some packaged food just to have on hand. Here's what we started with:

Organic carrots, squash, sweet potatoes, apples, pears
Earth's Best Rice Cereal and Oatmeal
Earth's Best Sweet Potatoes (jar)
Sprout - Squash, Peas, Pears

When we got home, I got my supplies ready. For the sweet potatoes, squash, and carrots, I steamed them using my steamer basket inside a pot with a lid. After they were very tended, I used a food processor to puree them. In order to get the right consistency, I used the water they steamed in which also ensured we didn't lose any good nutrients. For the apples and pears, I peeled, cored, and diced them and then baked them covered on 300 for about 30 minutes. I then used the food processor for them also. They didn't need much water added because they created so much of their own.

So when I had several bowls of pureed foods lining the counter, I started filling up ice cube trays with all of the purees. I put them in the freezer over night, then popped them out into their own labeled freezer Ziploc bag.

Now, whenever Owen is ready for some food, I simply pop out a cube and let thaw. If we are in a hurry, I will nuke it in the microwave for a few seconds but I then make sure to stir it well and text to make sure there are no hot spots.

There you have it. I have enough cubes to last him until well after i go back to work since right now he is only eating one cube a day.

So simple. If anyone has any questions, I would be more than willing to offer my advice. I'm no expert but found this to be a very simple and economical project.

5 Months of Baby Love

To my sweet boy! The past month has flown by even faster than the first 4. It must be because my time home with you is finally coming to an end. We have only 4 short weeks left.

You are getting so big! You have reached 16 pounds but I can't get an accurate length because you are alway on the move. Keeping your drawers full of clothes that fit is becoming a job. You are in 6-9 month clothes and can even wear some 12 months. We never know what trick you will show us each day. Last week, October 4, you woke up and rolled over. And that, my boy, has been the end of you spending any time on your tummy. Any time I put you there, you almost immediately roll right to your back you think you're pretty cool being able to do that.

"I'm not staying on my belly long!"

You also woke up one day and decided to try to mimic my mouth. Hilarious!

On September 18, we gave in and gave you bananas because you are so grabby when we eat. You love them. When the spoon gets near, you use both hands to try to force more than I am giving you in. What else has changed this month? Your baby bath tub is packed away. You needed your freedom and so we now lay a hand towel in the bathtub and you kick and splash like crazy.

You've been a traveler again. We visited Washington the first weekend in October and you attended the end of Julie's wedding. Daddy, you and I danced in your PJs to Kenny Chesney and Dave Matthew's song, "I'm Alive". We have decided that it's our family song! Your Gammy, Grandpap, and Uncle Ben were so happy, as always to see you. You even got to spend some time with your Great Grandma Rheba and Great Grandpap Bert. What a lucky guy you are!

You have visited Kuiper's Farm, The Morton Arboretum, the Adler Planetarium, and swung on the swings at the park for the first time. We had almost two weeks of perfect weather that we took full advantage of. We have been a busy family!

In nothing but a diaper on October 7!

You continue to amaze us each day with your bright disposition. You still sleep well during the day and are taking fewer but longer naps. You still wake up once in the night and I think it has just become a habit. We need to break that ahbit. You chew on everything and are drooling quite a bit. I think teeth might be in your future.  You are still very loud at home, in fact your screams are ear piercing, and serious when we are out.

Just like your Daddy. He gave you a tiny taste of cream cheese frosting and you nearly lost your mind!

Owen, your Dad and I just love you so much. We have talked recently about how there was something missing in our lives because and we didn't even know it until you came along.