Genuinely Sad

For the past week, I have started writing this post and deleted. It just wasn't right and I was crying so hard the screen was all burry. There just aren't words to describe what's going on right now - I'm going back to work. Tomorrow.

To say that I am sad would be an understatement. To say that I am scared and nervous and anxious and I have a heavy pit in my stomach that makes me feel like I am going to vomit at any given moment - that might explain it a little better.

For 6 months, I got to be a stay at home mom. I got to do all the things that stay at home moms do. Change diapers, feed a baby, bathe a baby, play with a baby, clean up spit up, clean the house, do laundry, cook, mow the lawn, rake leaves, grocery shop, run errands, chase the dogs, and the list goes on and on. I treated every day like it was my job. It was my job to be a wife and a mom.

Before having Owen, I couldn't imagine what a stay at home mom did all day and now I don't know where the time goes. It is the most rewarding feeling at the end of the day to look at my happy baby, husband and puppies and know that I contributed directly to their well being.

Tomorrow starts a new chapter of balance. I know I have to figure out a way to balance all of the things I love doing for my family, while still working away from our home 9 hours a day. Owen will be well cared for. He will be spending his days with a  neighbor of our who has two children of her own, one of which is a little boy 1 week older than Owen. What a world that will open up for him!

I try to look at the positive side of our situation, and there are many positives. For now, I am just sad. I know it will pass and there will come a day when all of this will just be second nature. I'll be super mom accomplishing everything in half the time with thinking twice. And it will make me a better, stronger person. I hope.